Software engineering is a vast field, and with it comes a colorful assortment of individuals that span the spectrum from geniuses to, well, letâs say âcreative problem solvers.â Hereâs a rundown of the various software engineer archetypes youâre bound to encounter â whether you like it or not.
1. The Stack Overflow Copypaster
No time for writing code from scratch? Neither does this engineer! The Stack Overflow Copypaster is the ultimate efficiency machine. Need a new function? Itâs already on the internet! The best part? They donât just borrow bits and piecesâthey take entire code blocks, often forgetting to check for pesky little things like the right language or framework. After all, why waste time understanding a problem when someone, somewhere has probably solved it already? Fingers crossed.
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2. The Code Golfer
Why write readable code when you can write clever code? The Code Golferâs mission is to make their work look like an elegant math puzzle that would bring a tear to Alan Turingâs eyeâif only anyone could understand it. Functions are ten characters long, variables look like rejected Scrabble words, and a bug fix feels like decoding the Matrix. If you ever dare ask for comments in their code, theyâll respond with, âItâs self-explanatory.â (Hint: itâs not.)
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3. The Meeting Lover
Who needs code when youâve got meetings? The Meeting Lover can drag a 5-minute stand-up into an hour-long debate about Jira tickets, workflows, and the philosophical implications of agile. Strangely, they always have a lot to say about project velocity but never seem to have the time to actually work on that feature theyâve been âresearchingâ for two weeks. Their greatest achievement? âAligning synergiesâ without touching their IDE.
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4. The Language Purist
If youâre not writing code in their language of choice, youâre doing it wrong. The Language Purist will roll their eyes every time someone mentions a different programming language, be it Python, Java, or heaven forbidâPHP. Their language is the best, obviously, and they will spend hours explaining why while conveniently avoiding the fact that your project uses something entirely different. Bonus points if they bring up how functional programming is the one true way.
5. The Cowboy Coder
Process? Testing? Version control? The Cowboy Coder laughs in the face of these so-called âbest practices.â This engineer writes code like itâs the Wild West: fast, loose, and entirely undocumented. Deployments are treated like a high-stakes game of roulette, and when something breaks (because something always breaks), they simply fix it with a quick hot-patch⊠during production. The good news? The bug will probably go away. The bad news? So will your weekend.
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6. The Framework Fanatic
Why write plain JavaScript when you could just layer four new frameworks on top? The Framework Fanatic lives for the newest, shiniest tech stack. Last week they were all in on Angular, but now itâs React, Vue, Svelte, and whatever came out yesterday. Forget about maintainability or long-term planningâthe key to this engineerâs heart is staying bleeding edge. Bonus points if they introduce a framework that solves a problem no one knew they had.
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7. The Self-Taught Genius
Who needs a formal education when you have YouTube tutorials and Medium articles? The Self-Taught Genius likes to remind everyone that they didnât go to school for this and âjust picked it up on the fly.â Itâs impressive, really, until you discover the monstrosity that is their code structure. But hey, it works (sometimes), and thatâs all that matters, right?
Image credit: xkcd.com
8. The Commentator
Not the kind of commentator youâre thinking about. This oneâs the king of code commentsâthough not the useful kind. Theyâll add comments like //increment counter over a line that does exactly that, but when you really need insight into the logic behind a 200-line function, the only comment youâll find is, âTODO: explain this later.â Spoiler: they never will.
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9. The Impostor Syndrome Sufferer
Despite their many accomplishments, this engineer is convinced they have no idea what theyâre doing. They approach every task with a mix of dread and disbelief that someone actually trusts them with the codebase. They spend hours triple-checking work and questioning every variable name, fully expecting the day to come when the entire team gathers to finally call them out. Spoiler: it wonât happen, but theyâll still stay up at night worrying.
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10. The âI Got Thisâ Engineer (Dunning-Kruger Dev)
Meet the âI Got Thisâ Engineer, confidently tackling every task with zero hesitation and even less skill. When their code inevitably breaks, itâs âdefinitely the frameworkâs fault.â Their superpower? An unshakable belief in their coding genius despite reality persistently suggesting otherwise.
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11. The Architect (aka, The Overengineer)
Why build a simple, functional app when you could design a massive, scalable solution for an enterprise-sized problem that doesnât exist yet? The Architect has never met a problem they couldnât solve by adding a few more microservices and creating a complex orchestration layer. Their motto? âThink bigger.â Meanwhile, your applicationâs still trying to render a basic webpage. But rest assured, when it scales to millions of users, youâll be ready. Too bad you only have 10 users.
Image credit: xkcd.com
In the end, it takes all kinds to build software. Whether youâre working with the endlessly efficient Copypaster, the Cowboy Coder who thrives on chaos, or the Architect overcomplicating your simple CRUD app, remember: every team needs diversity. Otherwise, who else would you roll your eyes at during the next sprint planning meeting?